Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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