I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
