I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
