yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
