Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
