I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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