I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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