bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
