dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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