They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
