So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
