I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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