bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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