My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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