Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
