I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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