i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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