I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
