my phone needs a breathalizer
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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