So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
