im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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