You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
