jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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