That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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