I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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