i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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