I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
