Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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