I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
