It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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