Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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