1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
