i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
