Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
