i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
