last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
