Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
