I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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