The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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