I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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