LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
