im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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