you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
