Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
