Your face is a jimmy john
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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