I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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