well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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