did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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