It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
