i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i think i just lost a toe
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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