I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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