these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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