You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
