I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
