and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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