so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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