I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
