so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
