I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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