did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He called his prostate his "boner button".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
