why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
