if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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