I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
