Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
