i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I smell like Dick and happiness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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