I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
