Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
