There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
