Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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