I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
