Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
