wrigley field is MILF paradise
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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