Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A bitchslap is in order.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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