I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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