oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
