She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
