Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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