I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
