I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
